God Trivializing the Lord’s Prayer

Church: Our Father…

God: Is this an emergency?

Church: …who art in Heaven…

God: Actually I’m on the crapper, do you mind?

Church: …hallowed be Thy name…

God: Oh boy, brown-nosing, my favorite. What did you do this time and how much will it cost me?

Church: Thy kingdom come…

God: Wouldn’t that be nice…

Church: …Thy will be done…

God: Great idea! My will is five minutes of privacy. Poof, be gone!

Church: …on Earth as it is in Heaven.

God: Why does that never work?

Church: Give us this day our daily bread…

God: I fed you two hours ago! You begged me for a Happy Meal and I gave you filet mignon, unloving father that I am, remember that?

Church: …and forgive us our trespasses…

God: As you trespass against me…

Church: …as we forgive those who trespass against us.

God: Who, the Muslims?

Church: And lead us not into temptation…

God: The doughnuts are mine, do you hear me?

Church: …but deliver us from evil.

Toilet: Woooshhh.

Church: For Thine is the kingdom…

Faucet: Wushhhhh…

Church: …the power…

God: …

Church: …and the glory…

Doorknob: Squeak.

Church: …forever and ever.

God: BOO!

Church: AAH!

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