“I ain’t nothing.” I say that and you immediately think I have low self-esteem. I know what you mean. A-week-ago-me tells me the same thing.
What I mean is, I suck at controlling my life. There was this 33-year battle to see who was better at controlling my life, me or God. I lost. I’m man enough to admit it.
Now that I’m filled with feelings of peace and liberty, I now know a-week-ago-me was wrong. He wasn’t stupid. He was brilliant. He’s still a part of me. I’m awesome–by human standards. (I also have a big ego, sue me.) It’s just that a-week-ago-me happened to be wrong about this one thing.
I’m powerless. I have nothing. That’s a fact, and always will be. Even if I gain the world.
All I can do is try to scoot wherever the Light moves. I gotta stay in that Spotlight. It’s a metaphor. Because there aren’t human words to describe it. Another metaphor: I am filled with the breath of the Spirit. There is something there that wasn’t there before.
I lived in pain for 33 years. That’s a long time to be torturing oneself. And now I’m not in pain. I’m not so stupid that I would turn that down. It’s a reprieve.
I don’t believe, but I experienced the power of another man’s God through a simple ritual of prayer and healing. And now that God is my God.
I ain’t nothing, and I need God. Love doesn’t come from me. Peace doesn’t come from me. Light doesn’t come from me. It just lives in me. Just so long as I pay attention and follow the bouncing ball. I surrender my illusion of control.
I thank God, and I acknowledge the Christ figure, because he’s the one who healed me and turned me from a dead man walking into a living man walking. I am powerless to resist the ultimate gift. Facts is facts, folks.