Like Seeing a Picture of the Back of Your Head for the First Time

What does it feel like to become a follower? What does that transition look like? Well first of all, it feels good to be walking with the Lord. It’s weird, you know? I’m not like that, at all. Or so I thought. You know? Like, it’s not logical, and it’s not scientific, and I love logic and science and all that.

And it’s not like I’m grasping for God or Jesus — it’s just there. It’s like seeing a picture of the back of your own head for the first time: So that’s what it looks like. It was always like that. Huh.

You know? It’s just that simple. It’s not an act, not a mask, not some psychological trick of the mind. It’s just a realization: I’m filled with the Spirit and have been since Day One.

Another cool aspect of this: I don’t have to relinquish my logic, my science, my math, and my cheekiness. Nothing is taken away, but something is added. And that’s God. It’s in me now and I can sense it. Granted, I will remain the contrarian, foul-mouthed son of a bitch that I am, and I will continue to “go my own way” in the way I express myself, but who I am and what I do are now going to be more guided by my conversations with God-slash-Jesus.

It’s an empowering, liberating, and peaceful feeling. There’s volition there; there’s calmness. It’s nothing like I thought it would be. It was just this instantaneous change, very subtle in a way, but huge.

Will I be getting on board with the Christian Zeitgeist? Not right now, that’s for sure. But am I now walking with Christ? Hell yes.

And here’s another thing: Why Christ? Why not Mohammed or Gautama Buddha or some such? My answer is that Christ is the religious man of my culture. I don’t reject or despise the other guys; in fact I revere them. But Christ is special for me because he is the religious figure I know and understand most readily — because I grew up in America. I fully realize that sounds almost too convenient, but we’re not talking about what “makes sense” to our puny human minds. We’re talking about what works, what’s there, what’s graspable, what’s relatable. I can have a personal relationship with the Christ figure, and I am A-OK with that idea.

Is there a little bit of social fear about “coming out” as a Jesus freak? Yes. Will some people think I’m a tragic idiot? Yep. But do I really care about that? Not when God is so loving and powerful. The petty stuff just gets drowned out by his presence. It’s beyond anything else.

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One thought on “Like Seeing a Picture of the Back of Your Head for the First Time

  1. I missed your writing, so I found some archives I hadn’t read yet. I can’t help it.

    My favorite portion of this post is the last paragraph: “Is there a little bit of social fear about “coming out” as a Jesus freak? Yes. Will some people think I’m a tragic idiot? Yep. But do I really care about that? Not when God is so loving and powerful. The petty stuff just gets drowned out by his presence. It’s beyond anything else.” Why do I LOVE this so much? It’s your heart that shines through. You’ve caught the simplicity (if we can even call it that) of the beauty of His presence and how all else kinda falls by the way side. You don’t get bogged down by so the things so many people (Christians) trip over.

    Plus, you’re hilarious. And this post has that wonderful silver lining of humor that peaks through.

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