In Which I Am Good With Jesus and Say “Screw It”

From The Cynic starts following the Christ figure, Day 1:


Seriously though, I’m good with Jesus. Isn’t that weird? I’m a relatively conscious individual. I know my science and my ‘rithmetic. B.S. is B.S. and I call it all the time. I’m also a nihilist without hope.

But now I’m all Christian-y. Seriously! You think I’m joking? That’s okay, you can let it sink in, over time. You’ll see what I mean eventually.

I don’t call myself a Christian, not yet at least, but as of today and for the foreseeable future I’m all about the Jesus. He’s good stuff. Him and his dad God, which is him, like, squared. Jesus roamed the Middle East talking to himself like a homeless drunk bum mental case. I get it. Also, there’s the religious wars and the Inquisition, and that’s all completely unacceptable, but you know what? Screw it. God moved into my being today. He talked to me.

I just said that. You’re surprised, aren’t you. Can’t blame you. Maybe you’re completely sickened by the whole thing. There goes another genius, lobotomizing himself for, what. The sake of conformity? Giving in to social pressure? You got me there.

No idea how this happened, not really. I mean look at me. I’m kind of a jerk when it comes to religion. Pretty nonconformist, pretty contrarian. And I understand about Christ and abortion and the church and Bill O’Reilly and all this. I get it. I know. You think I don’t know, but I do.

So now you’re like, “Well if he gets all that, then why would he swallow that fat lie about Zombie Christ?” Once again, I plead guilty. Guess I’m an idiot. But I do solemnly swear that I don’t really care that much about The Truth anymore. Whatever the hell that is. (And I suspect The Truth is just another religion anyway; perception’s a bitch, yo. We’re all living on a story. How many times are we gonna split tiny bits of matter until there’s nothing left and we figure out it’s all an illusion in the first place, Christian or no? And where the hell are my hoverboards? Didn’t science promise that? Oh well. Maybe Mars will give up the answers.)

All I know is life is better when you put Christ on your baseball team.

So, does all that sound perfectly ridiculous? Hope so. Let me know if you have any questions. I’ll reply with some crazy talk and you can throw rotten eggs at it.


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